As My Heart Grows Colder, Yours is Growing Warmer
by Starkidtheatregeek
Summary: Neville has always been jealous of Archie and Lily, but how did he cope with their marriage and her death? Neville's side of the story (mostly). Based on "The Secret Garden" musical, slight differences from the book.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hi! So this is my first Secret Garden fic, I'd appreciate if you'd stick with me through it! This is based on the musical, which is based on the book, but this is just a warning that there is quite a bit that is different. **

**This is mostly from Neville's point of view, he's Archibald's brother, and not in the book, I believe. The italicized words are flashbacks, and the normal words are in musical time, which is book time. **

**I use two songs in this story at this point, but only half of one is in this particular chapter. It's the dialogue between Rose and Lily (Rose is Lily's sister) towards the end. Here's a link for the song: watch?v=rEBsJeYPCVI**

**Alright, here we go! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

_Neville watched Archie and the girl (he had to find out her name) dance. As much as he hated it, he was shocked that she had even spared him a second glance. She was beautiful enough that she could have a choice of any man in the room to dance with, and she had chosen is hunchbacked brother. Maybe she felt sorry for him and thought that no one else would dance with him if she did not. But the mere fact that he had even attempted to ask someone was remarkable, even more so that she had said yes or not had another partner. He contented himself with that for the remainder of the dance._

_ As soon as the dance was over, he weaved his way through the crowd of partners taking leave of each other. He reached the young lady and, bowing slightly, said, "Miss, may I have this dance?"_

_ She blushed a bit before saying, "Doctor Craven," she glanced at Archie, "I would be delighted to, but I already promised Mr. Craven this dance."_

_ Neville felt his hope-she even knew his name!-crushed. She had actually given his miserable, hunchback of a brother a second dance!_

_ "Perhaps we could dance later?" she asked tentatively._

_ Neville paused, he had not expected her to say that. But it was already clear that she preferred his brother to him, and he chose a curt, "Perhaps," to say that, no, they would not dance later._

_ As he retreated he heard his brother say, "I apologize for my brothers' behavior, it is really unacceptable." His anger grew, he did not wish to be apologized for. It should be Archie apologizing to him. This new and interesting girl had been a good chance for him to settle down, but al hopes of that had been dashed. She just had to take a liking to his brother. Never had a woman taken that path before. It wasn't Archie's fault, it was the lump on his back that drove women away._

_ Having not found a dance partner for this dance, Neville was left to skirt around the edges of the room trying not to get hit by swinging skirts. He heard a musical laugh soar over the music and looked around to find the source. It didn't take long, for it was obvious that it was the girl Archie was dancing with, as they were both in stitches. He had never seen Archie like this before, and he didn't understand why it had to start now._

* * *

Neville awoke with a start and groaned, he was just as bad as Archie. But in his waking minutes, he completely cut himself off from his emotions. He glanced at the picture on his nightstand, and picture of _his _Lily, she should have loved him, not Archie. Knowing that he wasn't going to get any more sleep that night, he got out of bed and wandered the halls, ending up in the library.

To his surprise, there was an unopened letter on his desk. He knew that he had not left it there, so it must be new-and important. He ripped it open, and read through it quickly, growing more anxious as he read. There was no alternative that he could see, there were no other surviving relatives of the girl; and even though he knew that this was no place for a living, breathing child, Mary Lennox was going to live at Misselthwaite Manor.

* * *

_Neville was taking a walk through the gardens to get some fresh air. He was quickly tiring of dances, for no other reason than the fact that he had to watch Lily and Archie dance together the whole time. It was spiteful thing to do, but it was true. _

_ In his wanderings, Neville found himself in a part of the garden he was not familiar with. He turned around, trying to get his bearings, when he saw a door. Approaching the door, he heard a faint laugh from within. Cautiously, he opened the door, taking care to make sure it didn't creak._

_ To his unpleasant surprise, he found that even leaving the dance would not relieve him of the pain that seeing Lily and Archie together brought him. Archie was pushing Lily on a swing almost absentmindedly, most of his attention focused on either talking to her or listening to her. Neville stood there and watched them for a few minutes. It was a mesmerizing sight, both of their eyes so full of love for each other, he almost couldn't look away._

_ But look away he did. In fact, he looked away so much that he was out the door. He gave no regard as to whether or not his presence was discovered, and he was pretty sure it had, because he heard Archie calling out for him through the walls. Neville wasn't sure why his reaction had been that strong, but it was, and it was too late to go back._

* * *

Archie never found out what Neville was doing that day, and Neville would like to keep it that way. When it came to Lily, Archie only ever thought of himself, and sometimes Colin. Though he had always been tender-hearted, and was being selfless enough letting Mary live at Misselthwaite, but when it came to Lily, he was utterly selfish.

* * *

_"Archie!" Neville said indignantly, "You can't think that Lily will betray you if she dances with another man!"_

_ "I have every reason to think she'll leave!" he replied sullenly._

_ "Why? She has promised to never leave you," Neville pointed out._

_ "But she is under no oath to keep that promise. Besides, I'm just a miserable cripple, no one would willingly spend their entire life with me," Archie spat venomously. _

_ "Maybe if you asked her, you would be surprised," Neville said, pretending not to notice the wrench in his gut when he said that. It had always been obvious that Lily loved Archie and that Archie loved Lily. However, it didn't have to sit well with either of their siblings. Lily's sister, Rose, fretted over what could possibly happen if, and when, the two were married. Neville was simply being selfish._

* * *

Now Lily was gone, and Rose was gone, too. She had had the chance to see that her predictions of a crippled child had been true, though not for the reason she had thought. Neville thought bitterly over the fact that Rose had the opportunity to raise her child for ten years and had neglected her while Lily never had the chance. How the child had survived the Cholera was beyond him, but it was clear that she was missing both of her parents.

Her father, Albert, had been very attentive and loved her deeply. He also kept contact with Lily and Archibald when his wife refused to after they married. Lily and Rose had reestablished contact just before Lily had died. When Lily died, she had been devastated.

She and Albert had moved to India not long before Lily had died, but they came back, Rose pregnant and all, for the funeral. Neville had been worried about their child and what such a long, hard journey would do to it, but Mary had been born perfectly during their stay at Misselthwaite.

* * *

_"You can't marry this Archibald, he's a gloomy, miserable cripple who hides himself away in that horrible house! He can't believe you love him and neither can I!" Rose said venomously. _

_ "No one is asking for your approval, Rose," Lily replied calmly._

_ Rose interrupted her, "Lily, if you don't care what happens to you, think about your children. Do you want your children to be crippled as well?"_

_ "I will marry him," Lily insisted._

_ "Don't do this," Rose pleaded, "Don't wed him! Don't bed him, don't do this!" Set him free, through the world, let him go his lonely ways!"_

_ "Now that I love him, I will live for him! Live just to love him!"_

_ "I won't forgive you!" Rose said harshly, "Won't see you live there. Lily, I swear I'll never see you!"_

_ A flicker of doubt crossed Lily's determined face, but resolve returned almost instantly, "Do what you will then! I'll never leave him!"_

_ "Cut off from pain! Cut off from pain! Now you must leave him!"_

_ "No, I'll not leave him!" Lily said stubbornly._

_ "Yes, you must leave him!" Rose tried calmly._

_ "How can I leave him? I'll never leave him, nor e'er deceive him!" Lily said, all the love evident in her voice. _

_ "You must leave him! Lily, promise!" Rose pleaded._

_ "Rose, I promised! Never leave him!"_

_ "Yes you must leave him!"_

_ "You must believe!" Lily said harshly._

_ "_You _must believe!" Rose insisted. "Lily, think about the children!"_

_ "I will wed and bear him children!"_

_ "Lily, think about the children!" Rose tried one last time._

_ "He will love me, love the children," Lily said softly._

_ Rose stormed off, on the brink of tears. She couldn't imagine why lily would do this to her children. She understood being in love, but at least she was in love with someone who wouldn't cripple her children! How she would be able to handle knowing what she did to her children was completely beyond Rose._

_ Neville processed in shock what he had just heard, Lily and Archie must be engaged for such an argument to occur. How could Archie not tell him? He went out to the garden where he knew he would find Archie. If they had really gotten engaged, he would want to go to the place that truly bound them together._

_ To his satisfaction, he did find Archie there, and alone, which made it even better. He cleared his throat, and said, "Archie, is there something you're neglecting to tell me?"_

_ Archie jumped out of his daze, and looked at Neville in confusion, "What?"_

_ "Are you not telling me something?" Neville said impatiently._

_ "Oh," Archie said, smiling, "There might be something, but you already seem to know what it is."_

_ Neville felt his heart sink, he had absolutely no chance now, that much was certain. "Congratulations, Archie," he said stiffly. Without saying anything else, he turned around sharply and walked away. In that moment, he vowed to never feel so strongly about someone ever again._

* * *

Archie entered the library, his mood as bleak as it always was. Neville hardly spared him a glance until he started speaking. "She has a picture of Lily. She says it was on her dresser and thinks her mother put it there."

"Which picture is it?" Neville asked, pretending to be disinterested.

"The one where she's sitting in that horrible tree," Archie answered bitterly.

"How did you find out?" he asked, still trying for disinterest.

"She showed it to me," Archie said, almost defeated.

"her mother was Lily's sister, I'm sure she would want the child to know who her aunt was," Neville reasoned.

Archie sighed, "She heard Lily singing, she is just as haunted as I."

"She heard Lily?"

"She wanted to know what happens when people die. Natural, of course," Archie said, ignoring Neville. "Her parents are here, too."

"How do you know?" Neville asked, truly surprised.

"They were in the ballroom with Lily, Mary's holding on to them."

Neville shook his head, "I don't believe that, and neither do you. You are holding on to them because you are holding on to that entire life with Lily."

"But why would they show up now?" Archie said, pleading for an answer.

"Whose child are you now the guardian of?" Neville asked impatiently.

"She heard Colin."

Neville looked up sharply, "What?"

"She heard him crying last night as well as Lily singing."

"We must send her away before she does any damage," Neville said, horrified.

Archie raised his voice slightly, "No, I refuse to have her sent away. She is Lily's niece, and she wants me to care for her."

Neville raised his eyebrow, "And how do you know?"

"The child heard her singing, what else can that mean?" Archie shouted.

"That she is just as crazy as you!" Neville shouted back, standing up.

Archie turned around and left abruptly, not saying anything. Neville knew he had gone a bit far this time. It was time for Archie to move on, Lily was not coming back and however many ghosts he saw, that did not mean he was dead as well.

* * *

**A/N I hope you enjoyed that! If you would be so kind as to review and tell me what you think, that would be awesome! Thank you so much!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hey...sorry for the gap between the update...if anyone is reading this...I did see you viewers, though! No reviews, subscribers, or favorites, though...I don't want to guilt anyone into subscribing or anything, I just wan to know if you like this story or not...**

**Everything it italics is a flashback, regular is in the present...sort of...I guess it's not really present...I shouldn't think about this stuff...**

**There are two songs from the musical in this chapter, the second one is the other half of the one from last chapter. The other song is Lily's Eyes and here is a ink: watch?v=JhHURWFUXHQ**

* * *

_Lily rushed into her garden, on the verge of tears. She saw Archie sitting on the swing, staring into space blankly. Almost instantly, she forgot all of her own troubles, "Archie, what's wrong?" she asked._

_ "Neville," he said sullenly. _

_ "Does he not approve either?" she asked angrily. _

_ "Either?" he asked in surprise._

_ "Never mind that," Lily said. _

_ Archie still looked worried, but continued anyway, "Neville found out about our engagement without me telling him. He gave me a very insincere congratulations and then left without saying anything else."_

_ "Maybe he was just shocked?"_

_ "No, he is not like this when he's shocked. He shouldn't be shocked either, he told me that you would say yes if I asked," Archie explained. "Now what did you mean by 'either'?"_

_ Lily shifted uncomfortably, "Rose is not pleased. She said-" Lily took a calming breath, trying to control her voice, "Oh, Archie, she said the most dreadful thins to me! She begged me not to marry you, said our children-" she choke back a sob. _

_ "What about our children?" Archie asked defensively._

_ "She told me it would be my fault if my children were crippled," she said, all of her walls crumbling down. _

_ Archie swiftly stood up and put his arms around her protectively. Lily continued, gasping out, "She said she'd never see me again!"_

_ "We will be alright. We don't need your sister or my brother," Archie said. _

_ Lily nodded, "Bu I want my sister, too." _

_ "I know," Archie said, "And I want my brother."_

* * *

Neville was seething, that insolent girl had found the boy. Of course she had! And she had talked to him, disrupting his rest. And all that time he had been yelling at her and trying to give Colin an injection, he hadn't been able to not notice her eyes. They were Lily's eyes.

Thinking of Lily's eyes, he was instantly calmed. Walking through the halls, he realized how quiet it had gotten. "Strangely quiet," he mused, "but now the storm simply rests to strike again." He walked further down the hall, seeing Lily everywhere, and stopped, "Standing, waiting, I think of her," he said, feeling a little guilty. He walked a bit further, passing a mirror. "I think of her," he confessed to his reflection.

"From death she casts her spell," he continued to his mirror, "All night we hear her sighs. And now a girl has come who has her eyes!" Neville pictured Lily's face, but her face faded into Mary's, except for the eyes. He stumbled slightly at the confirmation that they were exactly the same, "She has her eyes. The girl has Lily's hazel eyes," a memory of Archie and Lily happy together intruded his mind, "Those eyes that saw him happy long ago. Those eyes that gave him life and hopes he'd never known. How can he see the girl and miss those hazel eyes?"

After walking through several more halls, he came upon the one portrait of Lily in the house that was uncovered. "She has her eyes, she has _my _Lily's hazel eyes. Those eyes that loved my brother- never me!" he lamented to the portrait. "Those eyes that never saw me, never knew I longed to hold her close and live at last in Lily's eyes!"

"I longed for the day, she'd turn and see me standing, would God have let her stay!" Neville said desperately, a ball from long ago appearing around him. He watched Lily and Archie dance around the room, Lily's eyes sparkling with joy. "She has her eyes, she has Lily's hazel eyes. Those eyes that first _I _love so," he muttered. Abruptly, the scene disappeared, and he was left, staring at the door to Mary's room.

Carefully, he opened the door to the room and looked at the sleeping, soaking wet, form of Mary. She must have run into the storm after he yelled at her. The guilt he felt for Lily's death and Colin's state was joined by how he was treating Mary and was strengthened by the thought of what Lily would say. "How can I now forget that I dared to be in love, alive, and whole in Lily's eyes?" he asked the sleeping Mary. "In Lily's eyes?" he repeated softly, seeing the picture of her by Mary's bed.

* * *

_"Now Archie, you musn't see the bride before the wedding," Neville scolded. Archie groaned, and Neville continued, "You know it's bad luck to see a bride before her wedding, so you must stay here."_

_ Archie sat down on the couch, fidgeting with the hem of his jacket nervously. Neville sighed in exasperation, "There is no need to worry, she won't break her promise because she loves you and will not willingly let you go."_

_ "That's not why I'm nervous," he muttered._

_ Neville was taken aback, Archie was always worried about Lily leaving, "Then what are you worried about?"_

_ "What if Rose doesn't come?"_

_ "You don't know if she's coming?" he asked, surprised._

_ "Lily is positive she is coming, but I'm not," Archie explained._

_ "You would think that Lily would know her sister well enough to know whether she would come or not," Neville reasoned._

_ "Neville, she never replied to the invitation," Archie said sadly._

_ "I thought she did?"_

_ "Albert sent a letter to say that he would try to et her to come, but he was not sure how well that would work, Rose is really stubborn," he said. _

_ "Does Lily know?" Neville asked, alarmed._

_ "Of course! I wouldn't keep anything from her! Especially something that directly involves her, Archibald said, thoroughly offended._

_ In that moment, all hopes of Lily and Archie separating for any reason disappeared, it was such a caring relationship that neither would ever let go. He forced a smile, "That is a wonderful policy. I only hope that it lasts for a very long time."_

_ "Neville, are you alright?" Archie asked, concerned._

_ Neville quickly put on another smile, hopefully a more convincing one, "Of course! Why wouldn't I be? It's my brother's wedding, why wouldn't I be alright?"_

_ "Alright then," Archie said, obviously not believing him. He went back to pacing the room. _

_ After a few minutes of pacing, Neville interrupted him, "It's time." Archie quickly exited the room, and hurried into the sanctuary. He anxiously stood in front of the congregation and scanned for Rose. He didn't find Rose in the crowd, but Albert was there. Albert saw Archie looking and gave him a small, sad shake of his head. Archie's heart sank, but he quickly forgot all about Rose when the organ started and the doors opened. _

_ The procession started, but Archie didn't care about anyone except the last person in it. The music shifted, and the congregation turned around to see the bride. She looked absolutely radiant. Her eyes were locked on Archie's, and his on hers. The ceremony went on without a hitch, and the happy couple was inseparable for the rest of the day._

* * *

Neville stormed into the library, "Archie, you must send Mary away before she undoes everything we have tried to do for Colin!"

"I can't send her away, Neville, she has no one on the earth but me," Archie replied bitterly.

Neville noticed that Archie was leaning over a suitcase, "What are you doing, Archie?"

"I'm leaving, Neville, what can I do for Colin when you've made him terrified to look at me?" he asked sadly, and continued, "What can I do for Mary when the very sight of the girl sends me-" Archie said, abruptly cutting off. He took a deep breath, "Last night, I dreamed I walked through the maze to Lily's garden, and saw Lily and Mary there. Mary, standing right there in Lily's garden," Archie said, sounding a bit pained. "I turned away…I couldn't watch…I was afraid…" he trailed off.

"Why won't he say what he wants?" Neville thought angrily, "Why must he speak in dreams? Why can't he see what he wants? To disappear it seems He should send this haunted girl far away, leave the house and lands to me!"

Archie interrupted his train of thought by speaking again, "I watched them walk around the garden, she stood tall, grown strong and bold. They turned 'round and asked my pardon, I couldn't speak, my heart grown cold."

"Why can't he see what he wants? He wants the pass undone!" Neville thought, finally realizing exactly what Archie wanted. "Why can't he know what he wants? He's losing battles won, to have ever loved her, never known how complete a loss can be! If she could disappear, he'd start again," he thought desperately. "And live like other men, he could be happy then! If she'd disappear, he could be free, cut off from pain and loss, a bit like me," he though, realizing that Archie would be much better off if he did not feel emotions.

Neville came to a realization, "I can arrange what he wants, he's left it all to me! Now he can have what he wants, unfettered he will be, set him free to wander through the world, let him go his lonely ways!"

Archie continued, oblivious to the maelstrom going on in Neville's head, "Then I longed to join them, know the peace they feel, their journey done. Then I woke once more without them, knew I must wander on and on."

"Just to disappear is to be free!" Neville thought almost longingly, "Cut off from pain-cut off from pain!" Neville remembered that he needed to get Archie out of Misselthwaite, "I'll help him disappear! He'll start again!"

"I shan't be gone long," Archie said, "Perhaps just 'til the autumn."

"And Mary?" Neville asked.

"I'll write her a note from Paris," Archie said decisively. "Now I'll go look in on Colin."

"Just, see you don't wake him!" Neville said, his Doctor side panicked.

Archie turned around to look at Neville, and yelled, "In ten years, have I ever awaken the boy?"

When Neville didn't have an answer, Archie turned around and walked out of the room, leaving him there, not entirely sure what he was supposed to tell the staff this time.

* * *

_Archie was sitting at his desk, making arrangements for Lily and him to go to Paris when Lily came in. "We got a letter from Albert," she said softly._

_ "Have you opened it yet?" Archie asked._

_ "No, not yet," she said, crossing the room and sitting on the desk, facing him._

_ "Why not?" he asked, curious._

_ Lily shook her head, "It's silly."_

_ "I'm sure it's not," he said, also shaking his head._

_ "It's just, I'm afraid," she sighed._

_ "Afraid? Of what?"_

_ "Rose," she said hesitantly._

_ "Do you want me to read it first?" Archie asked._

_ Lily shook her head, "I want to read it together."_

_ Archie nodded, and suddenly stood up, and picked Lily up off the desk. Lily giggled, and outright laughed when he spun her in a circle. When Archie sat down after a few circles, he placed Lily on his lap. She turned her head back to smile at him. Tenderly, she opened the letter, and started reading. _

My dearest Lily and Archibald,

I feel it has been too long since we last spoke. I long to see you both again, but I am displeased to inform you that my dear Rose has not changed her opinions on a certain subject. However, I do not know how much longer her position will last, for she missed Lily dearly, however much she denies it.

_ The letter went on for a while about their plans to move to India, and other, less important matters before Albert signed it with love. A period of silence followed reading the letter. Archie broke the silence by saying, "Are you still afraid?"_

_ Lily didn't respond for a moment, "I'm not sure. He said that she misses me."_

_ Archie nodded, "That he did, maybe she'll write the next letter."_

_ "You don't know my sister like I do. Once she makes up her mind, she's made up her mind. Once her good opinion is lost, it is lost forever, and I'm afraid I've lost her good opinion." Lily said sadly._

_ Archie shook hi s head, "She's your sister, she cannot think poorly of you forever."_

_ "Do you think if you gave your brother reason enough, he wouldn't hate you forever?" Lily asked. Archie didn't answer, a little too shocked to answer. "Oh, that was mean, I'm sorry!" Lily said quickly, horrified at what she had just said. _

_ "No, not mean," Archie assured her. "Just honest. Yes, I think I I gave him reason to, he could hate me forever."_

_ "He and my sister are very similar in some ways," she said._

_ Archie nodded, "Yes, but your sister is much more loving and caring. And from everything you've told me, she's doing this because she cares about you. She knows that I am not the best peron to be a father."_

_ "Don't say that," Lily said quickly. "We've been over this before, I do not care, I love you, and I have perfect confidence that our children will be perfectly healthy," she said determinedly._

* * *

**I hope you liked it! Please, please, please review! **

**Until next time, my lovelies!**

**Sarah**


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